Empty Cradles, Greater Faith
I was very sad yesterday.
Ian told me a friend of ours whom I last saw expressing so much joy about expecting a child, might have lost the baby.
The doctor said he could not detect the heartbeat of the child.
That was what they said years ago about Kaelen when I first saw the gynae about him, yet here my little blessing is, standing right beside me.
As a mother, you never know how blessed you are... how much that child is a miracle until you experience another's grief.
I can only imagine the disappointment and the deep sorrow. For even though she never got to see or touch or hold the baby, her love and her grief is that of a mother's.
And that kind of sadness I can empathise with as a mother myself.
I wanted to call her but what would I say? That I understood? We can never truly understand anyone's grief because we are all individuals with different histories, different background, different aspirations in life... I can only hold her hand and ask her " How best can I pray for you?"
K and I prayed for her yesterday. He lifted his little praying hands and closed his little eyes and lifted heartfelt prayers to Jesus for her. They say a child's prayer is one of the strongest... I hope that his prayer and mine will make a difference.
It is funny but over the last couple of months, 4 different mummies around me have experienced the same disappointment.
The first one was that of a choir mate who had a flu and went to see the doctor. He could not detect the baby's heartbeat. The baby had died within her. He could not operate on her to take the baby out till she got better from her flu and she was devastated. However, when they finally did the op a week or so later, the doctor said that the foetus was abnormal. The skull was too big.
The second one was that of the wife or our choir conductor's. She had some bleeding and had to be admitted to the hospital for bedrest. Our conductor stayed with her for a whole day or 2 and then was adviced to go home to rest himself. Whilst he was at home, a song we sing in choir came to him "You give and take away... you give and take away... my heart will choose to say Lord blessed be your name." And he knew that God had taken away the baby. But he trusted God and still he said blessed be God's glorious name. The next day, the call came as he knew. They had lost the child. A few days later, he resigned from a job he was unhappy in before they could fire him because of a difference in opinions (ie my conductor let in quality students not quantity and the school wanted him to admit in quantity, to hell with quality).
The third one was a friend and his wife who tried hard for a baby for years. Then, they turned to IVF. Many of the eggs were fertillized which meant a great chance of having a baby out of all of them. Then, they were told maybe twins. Then, they were told none of the eggs survived. The pain, the cost of the IVF and travelling abroad to do it... these made them very sad. They can only try 6 mths from the last attempt.
I know that God will touch the many mummies who long for a child the same way he blessed Sarah. I pray that he will make their wombs fruitful and bless these wonderful people with not just one child but as many as God wills it.
In the meantime... here is a poem I composed... inspired by the sadness and hope of these would-be parents:
I never knew you
Still I love you
Never saw your smile
I wish you had stayed a while
I long so much to hold you close
But you're in a better place I know
And even though I am broken
God never lets it get too cold
Your cradle seems empty
But I know better my baby
That you are watching us
As we are holding fast
To the brokenness inside
The tears we cannot hide
But I will give these shattered pieces
Someday to Jesus Christ
Just let me grief awhile now
Let me ask the whys and the hows
I still trust in our heavenly Father
'though I shed tears of a mourning mother
So hold my hand and be a friend
As I heal and as I mend
For even though I am broken
God's love for me, I know, will never end
Ian told me a friend of ours whom I last saw expressing so much joy about expecting a child, might have lost the baby.
The doctor said he could not detect the heartbeat of the child.
That was what they said years ago about Kaelen when I first saw the gynae about him, yet here my little blessing is, standing right beside me.
As a mother, you never know how blessed you are... how much that child is a miracle until you experience another's grief.
I can only imagine the disappointment and the deep sorrow. For even though she never got to see or touch or hold the baby, her love and her grief is that of a mother's.
And that kind of sadness I can empathise with as a mother myself.
I wanted to call her but what would I say? That I understood? We can never truly understand anyone's grief because we are all individuals with different histories, different background, different aspirations in life... I can only hold her hand and ask her " How best can I pray for you?"
K and I prayed for her yesterday. He lifted his little praying hands and closed his little eyes and lifted heartfelt prayers to Jesus for her. They say a child's prayer is one of the strongest... I hope that his prayer and mine will make a difference.
It is funny but over the last couple of months, 4 different mummies around me have experienced the same disappointment.
The first one was that of a choir mate who had a flu and went to see the doctor. He could not detect the baby's heartbeat. The baby had died within her. He could not operate on her to take the baby out till she got better from her flu and she was devastated. However, when they finally did the op a week or so later, the doctor said that the foetus was abnormal. The skull was too big.
The second one was that of the wife or our choir conductor's. She had some bleeding and had to be admitted to the hospital for bedrest. Our conductor stayed with her for a whole day or 2 and then was adviced to go home to rest himself. Whilst he was at home, a song we sing in choir came to him "You give and take away... you give and take away... my heart will choose to say Lord blessed be your name." And he knew that God had taken away the baby. But he trusted God and still he said blessed be God's glorious name. The next day, the call came as he knew. They had lost the child. A few days later, he resigned from a job he was unhappy in before they could fire him because of a difference in opinions (ie my conductor let in quality students not quantity and the school wanted him to admit in quantity, to hell with quality).
The third one was a friend and his wife who tried hard for a baby for years. Then, they turned to IVF. Many of the eggs were fertillized which meant a great chance of having a baby out of all of them. Then, they were told maybe twins. Then, they were told none of the eggs survived. The pain, the cost of the IVF and travelling abroad to do it... these made them very sad. They can only try 6 mths from the last attempt.
I know that God will touch the many mummies who long for a child the same way he blessed Sarah. I pray that he will make their wombs fruitful and bless these wonderful people with not just one child but as many as God wills it.
In the meantime... here is a poem I composed... inspired by the sadness and hope of these would-be parents:
I never knew you
Still I love you
Never saw your smile
I wish you had stayed a while
I long so much to hold you close
But you're in a better place I know
And even though I am broken
God never lets it get too cold
Your cradle seems empty
But I know better my baby
That you are watching us
As we are holding fast
To the brokenness inside
The tears we cannot hide
But I will give these shattered pieces
Someday to Jesus Christ
Just let me grief awhile now
Let me ask the whys and the hows
I still trust in our heavenly Father
'though I shed tears of a mourning mother
So hold my hand and be a friend
As I heal and as I mend
For even though I am broken
God's love for me, I know, will never end
posted by As The Deer at 2/09/2006 03:44:00 PM
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